I was standing there and I couldn’t get myself across the way I wanted. You know what that’s like, right? You’re standing there, in the middle of this crucial moment, and you know if you don’t say exactly what you should say to this other person then you’re going to have to work it out later. This isn’t l’esprit d’escalier. This is wit of the wit of the staircase. Knowing you’ll wish you said something better than what’s coming out of your mouth. But you’re saying this nothing response anyway. I was being careful. I was at work, but this moment in the conversation led to something that was challenging my principles, a core aspect of who I was, and I knew I was not saying what I needed to say to feel all right with myself later. I was not saying what I meant in the moment. And then the moment was gone.

Notes

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